Skip to main content

Worth

About two months ago I wrote this post in response to an image that went viral regarding the inner thoughts on fitness at one of my favorite (ish, it's kinda falling in favor) lifestyle brands. This post has quickly become one of my most read posts and I still stand behind every last word. But perhaps the reason the posted images bother me so much is I can't stand the idea of bullying ones self. 

At one point I really enjoyed "reading" magazines, especially fashion magazines. But overtime I realized what I thought I was getting enjoyment out of actually made me very sad. I'm never going to be the type of person who buys $1,500 pairs of shoes or fits into a size two skirt. These magazines, some of them at least were about a lifestyle that would never be mine and it made me sad. As I have gotten older in life I have realized this: there will always be someone richer, thinner, faster, smarter and more whatever than me, I can constantly compare myself to others and be unhappy in my own life or I can focus on myself. Does having a penthouse in Manhattan and shopping on 5th Avenue sound like fun, sure but you know what the far less glamorous life I lead is pretty chalk full of blessings. But this post isn't about my shopping habits, I'm just setting a tone of looking within instead of around.

So back to fitness. I do not like the show "The Biggest Loser", and it's not because I would be a prime candidate for the show. I do not like the attitude it shows. I've never been a tough love person and I consider myself to be of above average intelligence, I don't need the emotional drain of someone yelling in my face the things that could happen if I don't lose weight or berating me for my past behaviors. Losing weight I have realized is largely a mental feat. At the end of the day it's math, burn more calories than consumed and lose weight. I know this, math is not a problem area for me y'all. It's the emotions that make it very tricky. At some point I decided to stop letting my past failures define me. Right now I'm participating in the Women's Run / Walk program in Memphis. I'm not the fittest person out there, I'm not the fastest, I'm not even taking the least walking breaks but I'm there. 

Last year I attempted the program. I'm 30 I thought, age is on my side, how hard can this be? WRONG! So hard. Last year certainly knocked me down a few pegs as far as thinking myself young and invincible. For starters, I injured my knee last June from a fall. For three days hobbling to the bathroom was a painful, tearful, exhausting event but eventually I felt better, or so I thought. And then I tried to run, OMG it hurt. It hurt so very bad and not just a this is your body getting used to this hurt, it hurt MORE with each run and so with insurance on my new job kicking in I went to the dr and started physical therapy. I had heard before that PT hurts but honestly I never believed it, I hope it's something I never find myself doing again. I would be sore for two days after a session and leave with a stronger limp than when I arrived. I admit, I spent most of the past year in a don't disturb the dragon mindset when it came to exercise and my knee.

 But things changed this year. As many of you know, because I post about it often, I got into a more natural / healthy mindset. While before I would be happy to take a pill (or 8) for any minor discomfort that came into my life I now pride myself on the ability to heal myself naturally and manage any nuisance that may arise without a trip to the pharmacy. I've changed my attitudes towards food, toward my spending habits and life in general. For years I was always one who focused on things vs experiences; I think a part of that is a Louis Vuitton purse is not something you really "share" and as I have someone in my life I truly want to share experiences with they have become more important to me. (side note, that LV purse I spent 30 years wanting so badly is actually lost in my house, don't get me wrong I want it - I earned it after all, but I don't find it nearly as fulfilling as I had thought I would). And so with this new focus I have come to see the things I am missing out on. One of my goals for 2016 (late 2016 but still 2016) is that I want to go on a hiking trip to Fall Creek Falls and see the various waterfalls. I came upon this trip when researching ideas for an anniversary trip for Shaun and I to take this past June and I sadly realized that although it is listed as an "easy to moderate" hiking trip it is not something either of us are in a physical condition to handle, and so I want to be in that condition. But this is where my mindset and approach comes into play, I don't need / want someone yelling in my face about the things I can't do - I want the mindset that I deserve these things. I work hard, I'm a good person - I deserve a nice trip, I deserve to fit into the beautiful silk tops carefully packed away and stored at my Dad's house, I deserve to not miss out of fun activities because I feel too self conscious to leave my house (yes, this happens) , in short I deserve happiness. 

It's this gorgeous? I can't wait to take a picture with this scene behind me. 

I will never be perfect, no one is, and so I can't embrace a mindset that thrives on pointing out ones flaws and focuses on failures. Can I run a 5K today? Absolutely not, but can I run longer than two weeks ago - yep. Last night when I pulled into training I realized the crowd was significantly smaller than the first week - I felt like a champion just for showing up! And as I ran when it was time to run and walk when it was time to walk I realized that sometimes I passed people who were thinner than me, younger than me and sometimes they passed me but it didn't matter, no one was looking around at others (well, the coaches do try to be encouraging and take notice of people who fall behind) I wasn't the only one breathing heavy, or bothered by the extreme heat. But I can't view this as punishment; I'm not there to burn off the chocolate lava cake from Fleming's (anyone who says nothing taste as good as thin feels, have you had this? have you????) I'm there to learn from the coaches, to go further and run longer than the week before. After-all, are people more likely to participate in being punished or doing something they enjoy? 

Earlier photos from last night were posted and of course I had to compare it to my photo from last year. Sure I could see how I've grown in size and cry over it or how I could think about how in last year's photo I was really struggling and in this year's photo I had the energy to pretend to be having fun for the camera. 

2014 vs 2015


I spent a few minutes looking at the picture and I realized that in this year's full pic there's a coach behind me that last year walked with me when I skipped a running set when my knee had a sharp pain, this year no one had to stop and check on me. To the outside world I may look bigger, slower and hopeless but on the inside I know that I am stronger and in a better place to tackle the challenge, I know that I am worth it.

NOT at the back of the pack! 

Comments

  1. I just wrote a longer post that disappeared but it went something like this: You are awesome, motivated and making things happen one day at a time. That's how you make life changes. I have 2 small children and am sick and tired of being "fat". I have no time to work out, work full time and would rather hang w my kids. A few months ago I decided to wake up at 6:15 and do a 30 min exercise video. Well I did it. And then the next day and then the next. I've been doing them now about 4 months on avg 4 days a week. I don't hate it. I'm seeing physical changes but I haven't lost 1 pound. Not 1!!! A side by side of my face now and then shows how much thinner my face is now. Pretty cool but i still weigh 171 pounds. My clothes aren't fitting better but my arms are more toned and my legs have more muscle. Taking 1 day at a time is all we can do. Good for you. We have to do this for ourselves and for no one else. I want lava cake too :-)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Travel Essentials

Confession: I love going on trips but I hate the actual process of getting there. I get motion sickness and I so both car and air travel makes me sick and I hate wasting a day traveling. But I do it anyway because the destination always seems to be worth it. This week I’m traveling for work so I didn’t really have much of a choice but hey, I made it! For business or pleasure summer time is always a popular time to travel and I’ve been on enough trips that I have my packing routine pretty well down so today I’m sharing some of my travel essentials. I’m not one of those people that prides themselves on packing for a week in a carry on so I tend to check my bag with all my clothes, shoes and whatnot and bring a generous sized tote as my carry on. I hate the idea of getting somewhere and thinking oh shoot, I left the perfect outfit for this at home so I tend to bring more outfits than there are days in the trip to give myself options. I think this one is pretty obvious but my valuables al…

Birthday Discounts

Woohoo! It's my birthday week y'all! Birthdays are always a great time for brands to make customers special and each year I'm able to take advantage of some pretty good discounts in July so I thought I would share the love and talk about some of my favorite discounts and how to get them.

My absolute favorite discount is from Kendra Scott! During your birthday month you can receive one regular item at 50% off. It's your first time you'll have to show your id in store and sign up for their email list but then once they have you on file you can just go into the store and say that you would like to apply your birthday discount to your purchase and give your email address. This year I purchased the Tatiana Long Pendant Necklace which usually sells for $175. This necklace takes the look of the popular Rayne necklace and really amps it up.  
If jewelry is your thing you can also get a $10 credit from Charming Charlie - this discount is sent to Charm Rewards members at the…

Beach Essentials

Summer time inevitably  means a trip to the beach. Growing up my husband and I had very different ways of beaching - he being from southern California is used to just taking a towel and maybe a boogie board while I grew up with a little more "princessey" way of beaching - chairs, umbrella, blanket, beach bag with supplies for the day. True story - I was shocked the first time I went to the beach with my husband and his family used the same towel they had on the sand to dry off with. Over our years together we've melded our styles - mostly him admitting that it's nice to sit in actual chairs.

Even if we're only going for a few hours I always bring a tote with what I consider some "beach essentials" - sunglasses, a water bottle, a magazine or book, a hair brush, some hair ties or clip, and of course sunscreen.
Prep Obsessed Tote in the Mermaid Mailer Sometimes we also turn our beach day into a picnic and this cooler tote is perfect for bringing drinks, …

Summer Beauty

I feel like Memorial Day is really the kickoff to summer but if you want to be technical yesterday was the first day of summer and it got me thinking about how I change up my beauty routine for summer. I know that it's recommended to change up beauty routines seasonally but I find that I can get away with the same routine for fall, spring and winter  - but summer is a different story and I find myself with different needs during the hot and humid Memphis summer months. Here's some of my summer beauty favorites.
Ogx Quenching Sea Mineral Moisturizing Lotion $7.99 I love this lotion because it's not to thick but not watery thin and it does a good job of keeping skin soft and moisturized without being greasy - plus the nice light sea scent is great for this time of year.
Christophe Robin Cleansing Purifying Scrub with Sea Salt $19 This shampoo scrub is great once a week for gently deep cleansing and get hair squeaky clean - I find it really preps hair to accept the moisture o…

Monobox August 2017

It's mid month which means it's time for all my subscription boxes to come rolling in. First up is the August Monobox.

This month's monogrammed item is a brown faux leather saddle bag style purse and it comes with a pen and notepad. The pen is nice enough but the notepad kinda sucks - the paper is very thin and the gold heart is only on every 4th page. Although the purse is nice enough I'm not a big fan - we received a brown purse last November so even though this one is larger I'm meh on receiving it because I really don't need nor want two brown monogrammed purses but since it's personalized it's not like I can just give it away. The Monobox is $21.95 a month plus shipping so it's not a bad value and if you weren't a subscriber last November I'm sure you'd be perfectly pleased with this purse. I'm pretty sure it's available still on the I Love Jewelry website if you're interested in one for yourself.  I'll probably us…