Anyone who knows me knows I can be a bit princessey . . . And that's not always a good thing. And so from the moment when I announced my engagement (or the case within my family when Shaun called my Dad to ask for his blessing before buying the ring) I am sure there were expectations about the type of bride I would be and honestly it's been a little bit of an internal struggle. From the get-go I was anti-tiara. Yes, you read that right.
I'm going to be 32 at the time of my wedding, my fiancé and I have lived together for two years . . . There's no fooling anyone if you know what I mean so why wear a white poufy dress with a veil and tiara like I'm some virginal debutant , why not dress like a grown woman who does grown woman things. But wouldn't you know it, my sweet groom sees me as his princess and his vision included a big white poufy dress. And so while I kissed my vision of an a-line champagne colored gown goodbye and managed to find a more standard bridal looking gown I love I still resisted the idea of the tiara.
In general I'm having a lot of fun planning our wedding and being a bride and my social media posts would indicate I've drank the bridal kool-aid but there's still one big part of the bride culture I refuse to embrace - the "it's MY day mindset" and I feel like this is the behavior of your average tiara bride. Yes tiara brides, it is your wedding day but you do not own the day. I really just can't understand the mindset of wanting to share ones wedding with family and friends but then treating those people like crap because "it's my day".
Top on my list of tiara bride offensese would be assigning duties to bridal party members. Bridesmaids are best friends, they are not personal crafting armies, personal assistants or photo props and shame on anyone who would select their bridal party based on what they can do for you instead of your closest friends. I've been in several wedding chat groups since getting engaged and I've see brides who demand a shower , demand a bachelorette trip with their expenses covered by the bridal party, demand bridesmaids "help" with planning and DIY and think this is perfectly normal because "it's expected of the bridal party" agh . . . No it's not! It is very kind and gracious of bridesmaids to throw a shower but it is absolutly not required. If I see one more bride refer to bridesmaids having their hair and makeup done for her wedding or stupid robes she wants for her getting ready pictures as a gift I'm going to scream.
One thing that shocks me the most is the guest list rules the new generation of brides has decided to make up. Personally I think being invited to a wedding solo sucks but it's understandable. But I am shocked at the number of brides who think it's ok to invite someone without a significant other. If someone is not close enough to you that you respect their relationship than they have no business on your guest list at all. Stop being so gift grabby. No one wants to celebrate your relationship when you can't even acknowledge theirs.
At some point our society decided that every bride is entitled to a pretty pretty princess day no matter what her budget may be and obviously everyone should want to see her pretty pretty princess day. A reception used to be a way for the new mr and mrs to formally receive their guests, hear their congratulations and thank them for coming to the wedding but now it is apparently a time for all of the couple's friends "to get a free meal". Why cant people just come in their best attire, oh and ah over the bride, drop off their pricey gift and leave without expecting a meal, don't they know what a burden that is damn it - that money could go towards more crystals on the brides dress, whaaaah! Seriously - free meal - that is how a tiara bride refers to offering hospitality to people who have taken time from their own lives and spent money to attend the wedding, isn't that charming?
And speaking of gifts, don't even get me started on brides who feel the are "owed" by their guest (in the form of cash of course). Apparently in some areas it's "tradition" for guests to cover their plate - ie gift the bride and groom the amount in cash that is at least what it costs to be hosted. WTF? If I wanted a bunch of cash I just would have had a small wedding and the idea that people would try to compensate us for having them mortifies me. Setting up our registry was all fun because it my mind it's like my Amazon wish list - a list of things I want that slowly over time I purchase - and of course the idea of having dinner parties thrills me but at some point I had this oh crap moment when I realized that putting something on our registry means we're in a way asking for it. Look, I like stuff but I like BUYING stuff, not expecting it like some sacrificial offering. If someone wants to buy us some wine glasses we'll use for all our special ocassions (days that end in y count as special, right?) that'd be really sweet of them but if not I'll just build a set overtime.
I guess what I'm saying is that it seems like when a normal, usually sweet, woman slaps a tiara on her head she morphs into this LOOK AT ME diva without any regard to those around her. An apparently I'm a rare bride who cares about her guests and makes wedding decisions on what the people invited to the wedding might like. If anyone leaves my wedding hungry, tired or feeling unappreciated than I will have failed in my role of the bride and I'd much rather act the part than look the part.