Skip to main content

Not The Best Day Ever


As the home stretch of wedding planning draws near I have made the mistake of still looking at bridal “inspiration”- especially when our venue posts pictures from other weddings – which is general is a bad idea as I have chosen to not cover every nook and cranny in white tulle but when I see weddings at our venue that I have done so I worry that ours will look sparse. But recently I saw something another couple had done that I can absolutely without a doubt say I do not question for a second that we should do – they had a large backdrop saying “best day ever”. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely backdrop and I am sure that a couple that could include such a prop in their budget had a most wonderful wedding but in general this phrase associated with weddings has always perplexed me .

Forget the fact that “best day ever” plays into the social pressures we have created that demands a wedding be this magical, wonderful,  perfect day or else the marriage is doomed to fail (when study after study has in fact shown the opposite is true) I find it just depressing. If the wedding day is in fact the “best day ever” than that means the days ahead are a long, drawn out journey of mediocrity reminiscing about what was. Calling the wedding the “best day ever” plays into the fairytale where the wedding is the end but in the real world it is the beginning. Saying “I do” is the easy part the real joy in marriage should be not in getting married but in being married; actually doing is the hard part but the part that brings the best rewards.

I have been very blessed to have attended many weddings and surprisingly not a single couple is divorced (not that I thought any of those couples were headed that way but statistically it wouldn’t be surprising if some of them did) and I have even more friends who were married before we were friends – what this means is that I get to witness the marriages of a lot of wonderful people. I see the joy in their travels together, in their accomplishments, in their children, but most of all I see their joys in each other. Witnessing my friend’s marriages has shown me that in marriage your joy is doubled but also your sorrow is cut in half. Calling the wedding day the “best day ever” does not honor the journey that is just starting.

I also worry about the message it sends when we call our wedding days the “best day ever”, as if marriage is the only path to achieve happiness. For every couple I know who finds joy in their marriage I know someone who has found just as much joy in the success of their self-reliance. We live in a world where we may soon have the first female president but women are still prone to celebrate their marriages and motherhood more than any other aspect of their life. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled to have a partner in life with Shaun but that partnership is a choice – not a necessity. I choose marriage, I choose the partnership but it is not the only path to joy.

I hope October 22 2016 is a great day. I hope we are blessed with good weather. I know that we will blessed with the love of many family members and friends and I hope they are blessed with good travels. I hope that there is joy and laughter and maybe even a few tears. I hope to look back upon this day with fondness as the years go by but as much as I hope it is a special day I hope it pales in comparison to the adventure that lies ahead.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Sensible Portions

I'm Sometimes you have to recognize your strengths and when it's time to outsource . For me a healthy lifestyle is not a strength. I love the idea of eating small healthy meals and working out everyday but then I get hangry and eat anything in sight. Or I have a busy weekend and don't have time to meal prep, and then I'm screwed for the week and one bad week turns into a bad month, and a bad year and a decade of gaining weight. So, when a sorority sister posted a meal plan she had found success with I was very interested. Shaun and I tried a similar program last year but it was very expensive ($170 for one person for 5 days) That's a great investment if you need to lose 10 or 20 lbs but when you have a lot to lose you need a long term plan that is viable from a time, nutrition and financial aspect. 
Long term it's still pricey but I was very impressed with the value and results of sensible portions and decided to give it a try. Like most meal plans the plan is …

Plum Paper Designs - Fitness Insert

I know I say this every year but this year I also want to make wellness / fitness a priority. It's hard for me to get in the mindset of making it important because quite frankly it's not something my doctor gets onto me about. But during 2015 I've been making a switch to a more natural lifestyle and that has put fitness back at my top of mind. So, for $4.50 I got the fitness section added onto my Plum Paper Designs Planner 
Here's what's inside: 

A summary sheet at the front: 

A monthly layout for 12 months
Weight Loss Tracker at the Back 

I LOVE the monthly layout! First off, having a hydration tracker for each day is going to be so nice. I also love the idea of holding myself accountable to writing down an activity (or excuse) each day. Most of all I love the recognition that each month will have different goals and includes some note sections ; one thing I hear a lot form people who successfully got fit was that they had some kind of tracking and were able to go back…

What’s in the bag : Toiletry Essentials to Pack for Your Next Trip

I’ve  been traveling so much lately so I’ve pretty much got packing down to a science. Planning for a trip can be stressful so I’m here to make it a little easier for you and talk about the necessities, today were specifically talking about what’s in the toiletry bag. As a special treat I have teamed up with Smile Brilliant for a giveaway at the end of this post!!! When thinking about necessities I first think about the things I don’t need - hotels always have shampoo, conditioner and a hairdryer so I never bring my own to save space.  I then think about what items I use at home that I can go without for the week vs. what I use everyday. I also try to think about  products that are good for multipurpose; facial oil is a great example as I use it for a makeup remover at night , a moisturizer in the morning and I also use a small amount on the ends of my hair. Through this I’ve been able to narrow it down to only ten items.
1. Hairbrush

2. Deodorant

3. Toothbrush

4. Toothpaste

5. Facia…

Vi Peel

2018 Update: Hello Internet! Welcome to my most popular blog post - I presume you're here because you're considering getting a facial peel. Please keep in mind this is an old post and my photo quality is not great. Please feel free to read and enjoy but I do want to let you know that as the years have passed I have taken a more proactive approach with my skin care and I do not get frequent peels. If you'd like to see my modern approach to skincare check out some of my other beauty posts and I'd love for you to connect with me on Instagram to keep up with my latest and greatest recommendations.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Hello! So I got my first Vi Peel which I was super excited about. Since the Botox post was popular I figure y'all would like this too. Besides, it's well established I'm beyond any sense of privacy or shame here.
I got my first peel years ago - a mild Glycolic peel added onto my fac…

Top Ten Trends for Fall and What to Buy Now

I received several questions about the Nordstrom sale and this year I really felt like I would bite the bullet and make a post with recommendations and while I see myself always browsing the sale to see what's up and I'm not closed to doing a round up post in the future after reviewing this year's sale I just can't find the patience to put an entire post together. I always want this blog to be a place where I am authentic and real and not just a place to spew out what's popular but rather what trends speak to me. And I hate to disappoint people , I'm very flattered that there have been people to reach out and ask about my recommendations but I don't want to recommend things just for the sake of recommending things. I prefer to shop in season and with the weather in Memphis I just won't be wearing fall items until late October. Plus, a lot of the items I saw in the sale I liked are similar to items I already own and I don't need to be buying duplic…