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Wedding Wednesday - Missing MOB


With only a few more wedding Wednesday posts I decided that I wanted to end on a positive note so today I’m going to  go ahead and talk about the hardest part of the day – knowing that my Mom wasn’t there.
For the most part I tried to not focus on this too much during the planning process when talking with others- the last thing I wanted was to be the woe is me Bride; but it was always on my mind. I felt a bit of sadness looking around at Bridal shows and realizing most brides were there with their Mom and there was the time when someone else’s Mom told me how lovely I looked in my dress during my final fitting because I was there all alone. There was looking at family wedding albums and knowing that I wouldn’t have a picture with both my parents and hosting the bridesmaid luncheon myself because I had no mother to host it for me, and that’s not their fault and I didn't think because of my circumstances they should miss out – I still wanted to honor them. But the hardest part was when people told me that I shouldn’t focus on it – this was my happy time and my happy day.
During our engagement I participated in some wedding chats and some were more kind than others but through these chats I found comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the only one facing the wedding without a parent, what I did not however find comforting is the “advice” that internet strangers thought they were entitled to give on such a personal issue when their opinion was not asked. You want to tell people that cash bars are tacky (they are) or that only actual royalty should wear tiaras (too bad) than cool but this is different. It will be too sad people said, don’t turn your wedding into a memorial service, you won’t be able to handle it, ect. And for some brides they choose to remember their absent loved ones in discreet ways that they only knew they were doing, others choose to have a table of photos displayed at the reception honored their departed loved ones but for me I choose a more pronounced approach that was part of the ceremony rather than the reception – I left the seat traditionally reserved for the mother of the bride open and stopped to place a white rose there before joining my husband at our ceremony arch – and I don’t for a second regret doing so.

 
At the end of the day here’s how I see it – a wedding is not just a big party. The party (the reception) is to celebrate the real focus of the day which is the ceremony and the ceremony is the joining of two people into a marriage. Marriage is for better or worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer; marriage is not yay, let’s have fun and go our separate ways when things get hard. Marriage is not about choosing the parts about someone you like and only accepting those parts and it isn’t about being happy, happy, happy all the time. So you know what, yes it is sad that my Mom wasn’t at my wedding but it wasn’t sadder for anyone in that room than it was for me and honestly I know I’ve said that I hate this mindset but this was the one issue on which I took the this is MY DAY standpoint and absolutely would not budge on (side note: I did clear my plans with my sister, who is the only person in the world whose opinion I took into consideration). Missing my mother is a part of my life and it doesn’t go away because hey, I’m married now – it affects my thoughts and my perspective and in turn contributes to who I am today – the person my husband choose to marry.
I understand that not everyone has a great relationship with their parents but Shaun and I are very lucky in that we both grew up in loving homes so of course we wanted our parents to be involved in our big day and to honor how they have made us the two people that were there to be married. Our wedding photos are full of wonderful moments captured with our parents and they got to have their moments that most people look forward to at their children's weddings so really I don't think a tiny pause I took to acknowledge my mother was too much.
For any other bride out there missing a loved one I hope that you do what feels right to you on your wedding day and not what anyone else tells you. And for the record, I didn't turn into a crying mess and there was still plenty of joy to be had on our special day.

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