posts I decided that I wanted to end on a positive note so today I’m going to go ahead and talk about the hardest part of
the day – knowing that my Mom wasn’t there.
focus on this too much during the planning process when talking with others-
the last thing I wanted was to be the woe is me Bride; but it was always on my
mind. I felt a bit of sadness looking around at Bridal shows and realizing most
brides were there with their Mom and there was the time when someone else’s Mom
told me how lovely I looked in my dress during my final fitting because I was
there all alone. There was looking at family wedding albums and knowing that I
wouldn’t have a picture with both my parents and hosting the bridesmaid luncheon
myself because I had no mother to host it for me, and that’s not their fault and I didn’t think because of my circumstances they should miss out –
I still wanted to honor them. But the hardest part was when people told me that
I shouldn’t focus on it – this was my happy time and my happy day.
During our engagement I
participated in some wedding chats and some were more kind than others but
through these chats I found comfort in knowing that I wasn’t the only one
facing the wedding without a parent, what I did not however find comforting is
the “advice” that internet strangers thought they were entitled to give on such
a personal issue when their opinion was not asked. You want to tell people that
cash bars are tacky (they are) or that only actual royalty should wear tiaras
(too bad) than cool but this is different. It will be too sad people said, don’t
turn your wedding into a memorial service, you won’t be able to handle it, ect.
And for some brides they choose to remember their absent loved ones in discreet
ways that they only knew they were doing, others choose to have a table of
photos displayed at the reception honored their departed loved ones but for me
I choose a more pronounced approach that was part of the ceremony rather than
the reception – I left the seat traditionally reserved for the mother of the
bride open and stopped to place a white rose there before joining my husband at
our ceremony arch – and I don’t for a second regret doing so.
I see it – a wedding is not just a big party. The party (the reception) is to
celebrate the real focus of the day which is the ceremony and the ceremony is
the joining of two people into a marriage. Marriage is for better or worse,
sickness and health, richer or poorer; marriage is not yay, let’s have fun and
go our separate ways when things get hard. Marriage is not about choosing the
parts about someone you like and only accepting those parts and it isn’t about
being happy, happy, happy all the time. So you know what, yes it is sad that my
Mom wasn’t at my wedding but it wasn’t sadder for anyone in that room than it
was for me and honestly I know I’ve said that I hate this mindset but this was
the one issue on which I took the this is MY DAY standpoint and absolutely would
not budge on (side note: I did clear my plans with my sister, who is the only
person in the world whose opinion I took into consideration). Missing my mother is a part of my life and it doesn’t go away because
hey, I’m married now – it affects my thoughts and my perspective and in turn
contributes to who I am today – the person my husband choose to marry.