means invites for spring weddings have already gone out I figure now is a good time for a little PSA when it comes to wedding invites.
Not only from my own wedding but from my numerous
conversations with fellow brides I can say with certainty that the guest list
is one of the biggest considerations a couple makes when planning their
wedding. Be it an intimate affair or big throw down every single guest is
personally thought of by the bride and groom or their families to be someone
important enough tot share this special day with. So, my first ask to guests is
PLEASE RSVP. I’ll freely admit I have often been the drop it in the mail right
before the deadline rsvper but I have always sent it in. I get it, maybe you
didn’t really expect to be invited to the wedding – an invite does not obligate
you to attend. Even if you just don’t want to attend keep in mind that someone
thought highly enough of you to send you an invite, the very least you can do
is check the regrets box on the response card and stick it in the pre stamped envelope
– this takes you less than 30 seconds. Some times the post office losses invites, or the responses so ideally the couple or their families will reach out to every guest they have not heard from , and it’s just courteous to keep yourself off that list. For our wedding we were lucky enough that we only had a handful of people to reach out to and most were responses that were delayed by the mail but I recently saw a bride that had 60 guests not rsvp – 60! One of my husband’s guest said he wasn’t sure when my husband reached out so just to be clear – this is a yes or no thing and I’ll get to why its so important in a bit.
that you would like to be invited if you have no intention of actually
attending. For our wedding we kept our guest list on the smaller side by choice
not due to financial constraints so my husband and I were lucky enough to be in
the position that if someone mentioned our upcoming wedding and looking forward
to it we could extend them an invite – but quite frankly most couples are not
in this position. In my experience most couples are unable to extend
invitations to everyone the would like to invite so if you presuming you are on
a couples guest list puts them in the very difficult position of either hurting
your feelings or not inviting someone else. We were absolutely shocked when
several people who point blank told us they would be at our wedding long before
we decided to invite them didn’t come (and we had our wedding date on our
engagement announcement on social media so from the get go our date was out
there).
feel like this should go without saying but SHOW UP! Life happens and
emergencies come up but be real on what’s an actual emergency and what is
not. I’ve gone to weddings before with killer migraines and ducked out as soon
as the cake was cut and I’ve gone to weddings dateless – it’s not the end of the world. I’m talking to you
married couples, if the kids are sick or one of you is ill please send at least
one of you. There’s two main reasons why this really hurts – one is from a
practical standpoint cost (this is also why couples need a firm RSVP a few weeks in advance of the date). A wedding reception is not a restaurant where if you
don’t go your reservation is given to someone else and your meal not cooked.
Your presence is accounted for and paid for two weeks in advance of the
wedding. And while you may think oh well, more food for other guests there is
soooo much more than food costs per guests. For our wedding our variable per
guests costs were food / servers, glass rentals (5 per guest), satin napkins,
napkin rings, flatware and charger rental per seat, Chairs and tables, table
linens, table centerpieces, alcohol , menus, table cards, and programs. I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about the actual cost but let’s just say if the no shows to our wedding had rsvped no we would have saved enough for a vacation . It’s not that we can’t afford it, or this put us in a tough financial spot but I don’t know anyone who likes wasting money.This may sound harsh but the reality is when
you rsvp and don’t show you have effectively taken money from that couple and I
don’t think its normal behavior to reach into someone’s wallet and take cash
from it and throw it away so why would you do something that has the same
effect? And yes, the couple still loses this money if guests cannot attend due
to an actual emergency and that’s life and emergencies simply cannot be helped
– you forgetting or not feeling like it can. The second reason is quite frankly
because it hurts – it hurts to see those empty seats and realize that there are
people who didn’t care enough to be there.