Body Confidence

I have people tell me a lot that “I’m so confident” with such a tone of surprise and while really I think it’s just that I’m a plus size women who happens to be loud and doesn’t try to hide from the world but sometimes if I’m in a sensitive mood I’ll take that as umm, don’t you own a mirror, you should maybe be quiet and go to the gym. I’d say about 90% of the time I can say although I don’t have my ideal body I don’t hate myself and I don’t let it keep me from living my life but then there’s that 10% of the time . . .

Last week I had such a moment, You may have noticed that my pics I post on social media are either of me standing or are chest up if I’m sitting – now this is partially because I typically only take pics seated if I’m showing off a product so I was a more close up anyway but also here’s something this people never have to think about – when you’re plus size and you sit down if consolidates all the fat into a smaller space. Y’all – I HATE pics of myself seated – I look like a giant blob with a tiny head on top. Quick side note – I NEVER edit / Photoshop my body in pictures. Last week I attended an event and the host took a video panning over the crowd and posted it on IG stories – innocent enough but when it showed up in my feed later that night I was literally shocked to see myself and had to go back and watch again – no, that’s not me I thought to myself, that’s not what I look like. But it is, and I could wallow in self pity and tell myself hateful things or I could say hey girl, maybe this isn’t what you want to look like right now but it doesn’t make you any less worthy of loving yourself.

I know we’re all body positivity and plus is pretty right now but you know what, a clever marketing tag line doesn’t completely change years of ways of thinking about ones self. And I know for a fact that some of you are reading this and thinking well stop eating cake and go to the gym but first off – it’s so much more than that and 2nd I very rarely actually eat cake. I know women who are thin and I look at and say wow, she’s flawless and yet she still has insecurities about herself but for some reason culture has become lately that plus size women are not “allowed” to not love being plus size or have insecurities but you know what, we’re human and we do. So if you’re plus size and reading this I hope you’ll realize you’re not alone with your own insecurities or doubts, and if you’re not plus size I hope you’ll realize that your plus size friend doesn’t eat a full cake a week or doesn’t not care about her body.

But like I said, most of them time I do not think about these things and I just you know, live my life. So while I wanted to share with y’all some of my own insecurities to say hey it’s ok, you’re not then only one what I really want to share with you is how to get over it so the speak.

1. Recognize that the world does not revolve around you and honestly, most people do not care what you eat or what you wear – they are busy doing their own thing. I know it sounds harsh to say the rest of the world doesn’t care about you but honestly realizing this is very freeing. You do you boo!  

2. If you look for negativity you will find  it – don’t internalize everything and make it about yourself. The woman passing you on the street who doesn’t look friendly – it’s far more likely she’s just having a bad day rather than offended by your presence.

3. With that said, there is going to be that one mean girl who is judging you, sometimes she might even verbalize it. Ignore it because here’s the cold hard truth: it’s not about you at all, it’s about her and how she feels about herself.

4. Be a pineapple – stand tall and wear a crown (or you know a smile when a crown isn’t appropriate). Smiling has scientifically been proven to boost your mood – don’t think of it as owing the world a smile (I’m looking at you creepy dudes that tell women to smile) but that you owe yourself one. ALWAYS smile when you look at yourself in the mirror. Also, you will always look better with better posture.

5. Focus on what you do right instead of putting yourself down – Last week I went to the gym and only did 20 minutes of cardio. I could beat myself up over not doing more or I could say hey girl, you made the effort and you did something keep it up!

6. Your clothing should make you feel FABULOUS! Now, don’t go broke and buy a new wardrobe but seriously, why are you wearing things you don’t look great in? If you don’t like anything you own well, start by building a small capsule and build up from there. I get that everyday isn’t time for a ball gown or whatever else you might feel fabulous in but find a way to tone it down for everyday wear – do you feel amazing in your power suit? Than wear more blazers and structured pieces. Is it the ball gown for you – than wear more dresses and full A-line skirts.

7. Don’t listen to everyone talking about fad diets. Unless you have a legitimate intolerance gluten is not killing you and sugar is not the spawn of Satan. If you’re size two friend wants to chomp on celery that’s fine but you are not a bad person for eating fruit or the occasional bowl of pasta. If you want to lose weight that’s perfectly fine, but if you don’t and you’re healthy that’s ok too.

8. Don’t compare yourself to others. If you want to compete against yourself that’s fine to a certain extent – don’t waste your life moaning about not having the body you had when you were 16 – but do focus on bettering yourself. You might be on week 1 of your journey and the woman on the treadmill next to you is on year 5, who cares if she’s running faster and longer.

9. It’s never to late to be the person you want to be.

10. Be kind – be kind to yourself first but also others. You will find the more you stop looking at others as competition or as a way to make yourself feel better about yourself the more you will actually feel better about yourself. Crazy, I know!

***This is not a sponsored post, all opinions are my own***

xx,